On the Edge and Falling down
by Lostyoursoul
Summary: "I just can't risk it. You saw me, I shifted twice now when we were just kissing. I thought I could handle it; I tried but. . . ", Derek frowned deeply, a dark shadow passing over his eyes, "'I'm not so sure anymore."


**Title:** On the edge and falling down  
><strong>Rating:<strong> NC-17  
><strong>Pairing:<strong> Derek/Stiles  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong>Season 1 of Teen Wolf  
><strong>Warnings:<strong> Slash, explicit sex  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 8179  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong>Oh, how I wish they were mine. But nothing here belongs to me, except for the plot.  
><strong>Summary:<strong> "I just can't risk it. You saw me, I shifted twice now when we were just kissing. I thought I could handle it; I tried but. . . ", Derek frowned deeply, a dark shadow passing over his eyes, "'I'm not so sure anymore."  
><strong>Author's notes:<strong> Unbeta'd. Written for a prompt at TeenwolfKink.

Enjoy!

* * *

><p>"Wait."<p>

"Uh-huh." Stiles nodded absentmindedly, impatiently shifting on Derek's lap and continued to kiss his neck, no intention of waiting for anything at this point.

They very rarely had time alone like this, so they better make full use of it, Stiles thought. Far too many times already they'd been interrupted by either Scott or his dad or even _Jackson. _Today, Scott was out on a date with Allison and his dad would be working until early in the morning and Stiles really needed to go through with this as long as he had the courage.

They'd been dating for four months now and still hadn't made it to second base.

Stiles wasn't exactly the most experienced, certainly not with another guy, and while he was concerned about the sex part in general, some part of his mind was also still busy picturing Derek wolfing out and ripping him to shreds when he wasn't paying attention.

_I should probably work on that trust thing-_

"Stiles."

"Yeah, 'm listening." He lightly bit the hard muscle of Derek's shoulder, holding his teeth there for a moment, knowing that Derek liked that, while his hands trailed down Derek's naked chest, feeling slightly rough skin over defined abs.

"No. Wait. _Stiles," _Derek's hand gripped his wrists tightly and pulled his hands from where they'd started opening Derek's jeans.

"Ow ow ow, okay, what?" Stiles groaned, trying to pull his wrist out of Derek's painful grip and immediately froze as he looked up to find ice-blue eyes staring into his.

Oh.

Oh, _crap.  
><em>

Derek wasn't fully wolfed out but his eyes were glowing dangerously, his fangs had elongated and he was breathing harshly through his nose. Probably not from arousal either.

"Um, are- are you okay?" Stiles stuttered and quickly pushed himself away from the werewolf, scrambling back on the bed to put at least some distance between them, even if it wasn't going to do him any good. "What's- . . . going on?"

_He's gonna eat me, he's gonna eat me-_

"I'm fine.", Derek sighed and rubbed his hands over his face, visibly trying to get himself back in control. When he looked up after a few moments, his face was back to normal, to human. "I should go."

Stiles watched with wide eyes as he stood up from the bed, picked his shirt up from the floor where Stiles had dropped it earlier and yanked it over his head.

"You're leaving? _Now_? Don't you at least want to tell me- I mean, is- is something wrong? Did I do something?", Stiles ranted in confusion. "I mean, you never just go game-face when you don't want to, so I guess- . . . I know Scott has problems with that when he's with Allison but you've been a werewolf for a while now and . . . and it's not like it's your first-"

"Shut i_up./i_" Derek growled and turned towards him, still keeping a distance. "I told you, I'm fine. It's nothing. I just need to go now, there's something I should do."

_There's something you should do here. Someone.  
><em>

"What's so important that you have to leave right in the middle of-" _- fucking your boyfriend - "_-that you have to leave right now? Bullshit!" Not buying Derek's excuse for a second, Stiles pushed his fingers through his short hair in frustration. Something was going seriously wrong here. He hadn't been able to figure Derek out right from the first time they met and the sudden change in their relationship - from something between friend and enemy to _boyfriends_ - hadn't helped with that.

Stiles had no idea how Derek felt about him, they hadn't talked about it at all and Stiles hadn't even figured out his own feelings towards the man but so far he'd been under the impression that Derek at least _wanted_ him.

"Doesn't concern you, so stop nagging." Derek rolled his eyes and turned to the window, gracefully climbing onto the window sill, ready to jump out.

_Okay, seriously, what the hell?  
><em>

_"_I'm not- . . what- . .you-" Stiles spluttered, staring at Derek like he'd grown a second head. "How is it _nagging_ when I want to know why my freaking boyfriend decides to stop making out with me to do, I don't know, whatever it is you have to do all day, which I probably should know but have no idea because you're not telling me and _oh god_, I sound like your sexually frustrated wife!"

Stiles quickly stopped himself before he could say anything more and make a complete fool of himself. Could he just try this again?

Derek sighed and leaned his forehead against the window frame, closing his eyes for a moment. Then he stepped back into the room and towards him, close enough to almost gently take Stiles' wrist, his fingers carefully massaging the ring of red skin they'd left on him before, and pull him close. Stiles went into his arms without resistance but refused to return the hug.

He had _some_ pride, okay? And Derek shouldn't think that he could wrap Stiles around his little finger like a thirteen-year-old girl with a crush. He was still mad and confused.

And horny. Also horny. The bulge in his jeans refused to disappear despite their fight.

Stiles felt a warm hand settle at his hip and another one sliding up his chest to the back of his neck where slender fingers softly scratched through his short hair. Stiles couldn't stop the quiet sigh escaping his lips.

_Yeah, that's really helpful. He's just doing this so you won't be mad at him. Don't fall for it._

Derek leaned forward until their lips barely touched. Stiles couldn't help but move his lips against Derek's _just so_, just to feel for a second how soft and warm they were.

_Don't fall for it. He's totally manipulating you._

"I'll make it up to you. We can meet up tomorrow night, your dad's working late again, right? So we'll have a few hours." Derek murmured against his lips, his voice rough, almost like a growl. Then Derek closed the distance between them and kissed him.

_Don't fall for it. Don't kiss him back.  
><em>

Stiles managed to resist for an entire whopping second before he opened his lips for Derek's clever tongue and let his own slide against it.

_Damn. _

* * *

><p>Stiles didn't know how to bring it up again, so he didn't. He figured it had probably been a wolf-thing and maybe it happened to Derek all the time, who knew?<p>

It definitely happened again the next day. When Derek had climbed in through his window the next day, just after his dad's car had pulled out of the parking lot, he had been in the worst mood Stiles had ever seen him in and nothing he did or said could change it. So Stiles quickly decided they'd better stop talking all together and climbed into Derek's lap but he was pushed away after a few minutes of slow kissing and just a tiny bit of groping.

"And then what, he left again? He didn't explain it and you didn't ask?", Scott asked while he poked at what was supposed to be his lunch but looked more like a big wet lump of dirt on a plate.

"Pretty much." Stiles nodded and took a sip of water. "I mean, he didn't want to talk about it when it happened and I really don't want to make him angry, you know? And anyway, that happened to you before, right? With Allison? When you two made out and stuff?"

Scott nodded slightly, a deep frown between his eyebrows. "Yeah, but . . . I'm new to this, you know? Derek has been doing it pretty much all his life. . . . No, not _sex_, the other thing!", he quickly added when Stiles stared at him in horror.

"What I'm saying is, Derek really has that control thing down. He was born like this, he knows what he's doing."

"So, you're saying it's not normal and I should talk to him about it.", Stiles summed up pensively.

"No, I'm- . . . I don't know, that could go really bad." Scott raised his hands in defense before he resumed dissecting his lunch. "I don't want to be responsible when he throws you into a wall because you asked why he can't get it up."

"Huh?" Stiles looked up at Scott in surprise. "What are you talking about, of course he can get it up. In fact, he-"

"Oh _god_, don't tell me!", Scott hastily interrupted him. "Look, I don't mind talking to you about Derek, I'm your best friend after all, but . . . I don't need any details, okay?" He finally pushed his full lunch tray away from him and stretched his arms behind his head, leaning back in his chair. "Maybe you should talk to someone else about this, though. Someone with more experience in this stuff than I have."

"Like who?", Stiles groaned in frustration before he dropped his voice down to a frantic whisper. "There is no one with more wolf experience than you or Derek and the only one I know with more _guy_ experience is Danny and not only would he rip my head off if I asked him for sex advice, I can't exactly explain to him that my boyfriend is shifting into a _werewolf_ when we try to do stuff. You're the only one I got, dude."

Scott pushed his chair away from the table, shouldered his backpack and picked up his tray, the universal sign for i_let's leave/i, _and waited until Stiles followed suit.

"And I sat through every single one of your desperate rants about Allison, which, by the way, were _full_ of details that I didn't mind, so-"

"But you still like girls!", Scott exclaimed a little too loudly and flinched when a few heads turned in their direction. "I mean, you still like girls too, right?"

Stiles rolled his eyes. "Not the point, dude!. . . yes, I still like girls, Lydia's still hot. _Don't_ tell Derek I said that."

Scott grinned and nodded. "Okay, you're right. I can't tell you what to do, though. I'd probably . . . just try again and see if it works this time."

Stiles snorted as he dropped his empty tray off and followed Scott out of the cafeteria. "Yeah, we'll see how that goes."

"You're kidding, right? Stiles, I'm not your _therapist_ and I really don't want to be."

Despite his earlier words to Scott, Stiles tried asking Danny for advice anyway, just in case it wasn't a werewolf thing at all and more of a guy thing. He didn't exactly have anything to lose and he sincerely doubted that Danny would run around telling everyone about Stiles' sex life. Or his complete fail at having one, anyway.

After several awkward moments, they'd established that Stiles was sort of into boys now and, no, he wouldn't tell Danny who he was dating. Stiles'd had to rephrase the question three times before he had actually managed to ask it.

"Believe me, if I had any other option, I'd take it. Come on, try."

"I can't help you, man. I've never had that problem with Ja- . . . with anyone.", Danny shrugged as he slammed his locker shut. "I guess, ff he doesn't want to have sex with you, your best bet is that he's just not ready yet. I can't think of another reason right now."

That was pretty much the answer Stiles had been expecting. But it just didn't make _sense_. Derek wouldn't be scared and if he didn't want Stiles, he certainly wouldn't be with him. Derek wasn't the type of person to do anything he didn't want to do.

"Why are you asking me anyway? We're not exactly close and it's not any different just because we're gay."

"Danny! Come on, we talk about everything! You're my go-to guy."

Danny just stared at him and didn't even twitch. Stiles shrugged and returned to the topic at hand.

"So . . . do you think I should just ask him about it?" Stiles gripped the strap of his backpack tighter and followed Danny closely when he started walking towards his next class.

"Ask him? I don't know." Danny uneasily shook his head and looked at Stiles. "I'd do it, I guess. If he's scared, you guys can work on that together. Maybe he just needs a little more time. Or maybe he's just not that into you, it happens." Danny stopped in front of a classroom. "I have chemistry now, so talk to you later, okay? And good luck."

Stiles made a noise of agreement, deep in thought and didn't move for several minutes after Danny had disappeared through the door.

Stiles clenched his fingers around the strap of his backpack. So far the problem had worried him a little but he didn't think it'd be anything he couldn't handle. Now he wasn't so sure anymore and the thought deeply disturbed him.

After four months, Stiles was far from giving his feelings for Derek a name but there was no denying that there were feelings there; deep, scary and completely unknown feelings.

If Derek didn't feel the same way, he wouldn't know what to do.

The second bell startled him out of his thoughts and he took off at a run, hopelessly late for P.E.

* * *

><p>Stiles fumbled in his pocket for his keys, shifting the grocery bag to his other arm. His dad would be coming home in about an hour and he planned to have dinner ready by then so he'd gone to the store after school to pick up some steak and fresh vegetables.<p>

He looked up at the dark porch light. He had forgotten to buy new light bulbs again.

"Stiles."

Stiles almost jumped out of his skin, his keys went flying and the bag was caught by another pair of hands just in time before it crashed to the hardwood floor.

"Holy crap!", Stiles panted like he'd run a mile. "You scared the hell out of me!"

Stiles watched as Derek stepped out of the shadows next to the front door and put the grocery bag on the floor next to it.

"I didn't mean to." Derek sounded perfectly sincere but the corner of his mouth twitched a little.

"You totally did that on purpose. What, you wanted me to faint in your arms?" Stiles grumbled and climbed down the three steps from the porch to the front yard. He had thrown his keys to the left, so they'd probably landed somewhere in the hedge there.

"No, I prefer my mate awake and participating." Derek grinned and watched him from where he leaned against the railing.

"Your what?" Stiles crouched down low to peak under a few thick branches, sliding his hand over the dry earth to feel for the keys. "You're in a good mood today. Something happen?"

"No, yesterday was just. . . " Derek hesitated´for a moment and then shrugged. "Anyway. How long until your dad comes home?"

"An hour and I need to make dinner, so we don't have long. Unless you want to wait until he falls asleep on the couch, that'd work too. Now help me find my keys, asshat!" Stiles sat up in frustration and glared at Derek, who chuckled and came down the steps.

He stopped about three feet away from where Stiles was crouching on the grass and pulled the bundle of jingling keys from the hedge as if he'd seen them there all along.

"You could smell the metal, couldn't you?" Stiles accused. "I hate you."

* * *

><p>The potatoes rolled to the floor with a <em>thud<em> as Derek's strong hands gripped the back of his thighs, and hauled Stiles up to set him down on the kitchen counter, the muscles in his arms bulging. He roughly pushed his knees apart to stand between them and grabbed the younger boy's ass to pull him close.

Stiles had decided to ignore Danny's words for now and stick with what Scott had suggested. Try again and see what happens.

Stiles gasped when he felt Derek's hard cock against his own through their clothes and before he could even think about it, he was rocking his own hips against Derek's, rubbing them together with a groan, and why exactly had he ever doubted that Derek wanted him?

His knees pressed against Derek's hip to hold him there and he could feel Derek's heartbeat against his own chest, thumping faster than usual. Stiles shivered when a hand slid underneath his thin t-shirt, caressing his bare skin for a moment before pulling the fabric up and over his head.

Stiles looked up to find Derek's pale eyes looking back at him, his pupils blown wide with arousal and Derek leaned down so they could kiss again, their tongues tangling around each other playfully.

Stiles' fingers trembled slightly when he slid them across Derek's hard chest, feeling his flat nipples under the shirt and then down, down, until they met the waistband of Derek's jeans and suddenly he was rubbing Derek's cock through his pants, the hard length against his palm.

He could feel Derek's groan rumble through his chest, his nails dug into Stiles' naked back until it stung and Stiles took it as encouragement to rub a little harder, a little faster so he-

And suddenly Derek was gone, pushed himself away from the counter, away from Stiles and barely caught himself from stumbling backwards into the kitchen table.

_Shit, not again. _

"What- what's wrong?" Stiles quickly slid down from the counter and moved over to Derek. He wrapped his arms around his waist to pull him back when Derek twisted his body out of the hug.

"Your dad will be home in a minute, I heard his car down the street." Derek grumbled and pulled his jacket from the back of the chair where he'd put it when they first came in.

"What?" Stiles glanced over to the clock on the microwave in surprise. "He's not supposed to be home for twenty minutes, he never leaves early-" He stopped himself when he caught a glimpse of Derek's hand before he roughly pushed it into the sleeves of his jacket. "Dude, what's wrong with your hands? Are you-"

"_Nothing._" Derek growled and his glare told Stiles not to pry but that hadn't worked last time and Stiles wasn't so stupid as to make the same mistake twice. Or thrice, actually.

"Are you shifting? Is that why you stopped?" Stiles quickly moved himself between Derek and the front door when he noticed Derek make the slightest twitch in that direction. He wouldn't be able to stop the werewolf if he really intended to leave but it was better than nothing and Stiles knew he needed to put his foot down now or Derek would close the matter before they could even begin to talk about it.

"No, no, no, you're _not_ leaving again. Not until I know what's happening here."

Derek stopped in front of him, his now normal hands on his hips and staring at the floor behind Stiles. There was a deep frown between his eyebrows and Stiles could see the tension in his jaw.

"It's-. . . ", Derek took a deep breath and just looked at Stiles for a moment, his gaze utterly unreadable.

"Come on!", Stiles challenged him. "Be a man and say it. Nothing can shock me."

"I . . . don't want to hurt you, okay?" Derek forced out through gritted teeth, like it caused him actual physical pain to say the words.

Stiles blinked a few times and his shoulders slumped a little. "What does that have to do with-. . . oh!" His eyes widened in surprise. He hadn't expected that. That was. . . weird. "You're joking, right? You hurt me all the time! You slam me into steering wheels, walls and doors like it's a national sport and _now_ you're afraid of hurting me?"

Derek frowned at him like he had just said something incredibly stupid before he growled: "_Yes_, but. . . this is different. And don't be such a baby." His gaze dropped to the floor again. Stiles didn't think he looked embarrassed though. Frustrated, maybe.

"Different how?" Stiles let himself slump against the front door. So Danny had been right about Derek being scared. Sort of.

"Different as in we're not talking about a bruise or a bloody nose. I could seriously injure you. You're human, you're fragile-"

"But that isn't exactly a werewolf thing, is it?", Stiles blurted out, hating being called 'fragile'. "Even if both guys are human, you can still hurt each other if you're not careful." Okay, that probably wasn't very helpful to get his point across.

"What I mean is", Stiles quickly added, "that we can just _be_ careful and go really slow and it'll be fine. If you feel like you're going to shift or lose control or whatever, we can stop and- and regroup and try again."

"It's not that easy!" Derek exclaimed, his hands clenching into tight fists. "I don't know if I can just stop when things are getting too intense. What if I'm jerking you off and scratch you? My claws are sharp, I could slice your entire dick open."

Stiles gulped heavily. "Um-"

"Or", Derek stepped forward and slammed a hand against the front door, right next to Stiles' head so Stiles flinched heavily, "what if I'm blowing you and my fangs drop? They'd be halfway _in_ your cock before either of us could pull back. And even worse, what if I'm _fingering_ you and-"

"Okay okay, stop!" Stiles was pretty sure he'd have nightmares about this talk forever. He sighed and rubbed wearily at his eyes. "I'm pretty sure that's not gonna happen. Even if you do shift, it's not like you lose your mind. We'll figure it out . . . somehow."

Stiles slowly, carefully raised his hand to Derek's arm and pulled it down so that Derek's hand slid away from the door. There, much better. Less. . . trapped beneath the angry werewolf.

"I just can't risk it. You saw me, I shifted twice now when we were just kissing. I thought I could handle it; I tried but. . . ", Derek frowned deeply, a dark shadow passing over his eyes, "'I'm not so sure anymore."

Cold dread pooled in Stiles' stomach. This wasn't happening, not over this. He liked Derek, he liked him more than he'd ever liked anyone this way and he wasn't about to let it end before it really started.

Stiles took a few deep breaths before he could speak again, his voice much more confident than he felt.

"No. Forget it, I'm not breaking up just because we haven't figured out how to have sex. That's like something out of a very bad Rom-com movie. Come on, Derek!" Stiles threw his hands up in exasperation. "We haven't even tried it all the way! Let's just try, just once and see what happens."

"See if you end up castrated, you mean? Or bleeding inside? Or turned?", Derek fired back, all the tension back in his body. "You think I haven't thought about this? This isn't something you 'just try', Stiles!" Derek started to turn away but Stiles quickly grabbed his wrist and held on.

"I get that." he replied, a frantic edge in his voice, squeezing Derek's hand firmly. "Just once, we'll be really careful, I promise. If it doesn't work, we'll figure out something else. Don't. . . give this up."

"Stiles.", Derek's eyes spoke volumes; he wasn't convinced at all.

They both heard the car pull up outside and Derek quickly pulled his hand away. They rushed into the kitchen simultaneously, Stiles stopping at the kitchen counter and Derek moving up the stairs while Stiles pulled his shirt back on. He just managed to grab a knife out of a drawer and the meat out of the fridge before the front door opened.

"I'm home!", his dad called from the hallway. He could hear the low noise of shoes being dropped on the floor and the rustle of his dad's jacket.

"Hey Dad!", Stiles yelled back, trying to get his shaking fingers under control or his dad would notice how upset he was.

"You won't believe the day I had-", Mr Stilinski stopped in the door frame.

"Son, what are the potatoes doing on the floor?"

* * *

><p>"Fine. We'll try."<p>

Stiles jumped a little but managed not to squeak. Derek enjoyed creeping up on people far too much.

"What, it took you three days to decide that?" Stiles wasn't above admitting that he was a little pissed. He hadn't heard a single word from Derek until now. He'd been beginning to think that he wasn't coming back.

"It wasn't exactly easy." Derek jumped down from the window sill and Stiles walked around the bed to meet him halfway. They kissed lightly, just a little peck on the lips, both of them feeling the tension between them.

Derek's hands slid around Stiles' waist, pulling his body slowly closer until their chests were flush against each other. Neither of them were the cuddling type but they stayed like that for a moment, just leaning against each other and trying to blend out the several days of anger and frustration they left behind them.

Stiles wanted to ask why Derek had changed his mind but it probably wouldn't be a good idea to open it up for discussion again, so he didn't.

"So, did you. . . think about how you wanna do this? Like, the safest way?", he asked instead, his voice slightly muffled against Derek's shoulder.

He could feel Derek's quiet chuckle in his chest more than he could actually hear it.

"If we go into this all planned out, we'll just both be really tense and that's not what we need. We should just see what we're both comfortable with right now. We don't actually have to fuck today either. Maybe working our way up is better."

Stiles nodded quickly, swallowing around the heavy lump in his throat. "Yeah, sure, that. . . sounds good." But he knew they wouldn't be able to take this one step at a time. It was all or nothing.

"Hey.", Derek took half a step back so he could look at Stiles. "Your heart's racing. You nervous? I thought you were sure about this."

Stiles nodded quickly but he couldn't admit to Derek that he was scared shitless, so he decided on the next best thing. "It's my first time, man. Of course I'm nervous." There, not even a lie.

Derek's hands wandered up from Stiles' lower back to his shoulders and Stiles couldn't suppress a groan when those strong fingers started kneading the tight muscles there.

"I better take a shower first.", Derek murmured, his lips brushing against Stiles' cheek. "You wanna join me? Might relax you a little."

Stiles didn't think it'd relax him at all to jump into things like that -_ too much naked, wet skin, too fast_ - , so he shook his head and pulled out of Derek's arms.

"No, you go ahead, I'm fine. There are fresh towels under the sink."

He waited just long enough for Derek to enter the upstairs bathroom and the shower to turn on before Stiles bolted down the stairs to the other bathroom.

* * *

><p>Derek sniffed the air when he entered the bedroom but chose not to comment on the fresh scent of Stiles' shower gel although he didn't particularly like it. As long as he could still smell the faint trace of Stiles' natural scent underneath, his wolf was satisfied and that was crucial for keeping it under control.<p>

Derek pulled the towel around his hips a little tighter when he saw his mate blush as he followed the remaining water drops on his chest with his eyes until they disappeared into the towel.

He knew he was going to have to take the lead entirely because as persuasive as Stiles had been about them having sex, Derek could smell the fear and uncertainty on him. He just wasn't sure if it was solely about them having sex or if he was afraid of Derek.

"Come here.", Derek's voice didn't leave any room for negotiation but he slid his arms around Stiles' shoulders as soon as he could and dragged him in for a sweet kiss, nudging his lips open with his tongue until he could tangle it around Stiles'. Derek tried a playful bite to Stiles' lips, just see if it'd scare his mate but Stiles didn't flinch, just experimentally licked at the spot afterwards.

His mate's hands moved from where they'd rested on his lower back up to his shoulders, stroking the damp skin and then to his front, exploring his firm abs with gentle fingers. Derek let out a low moan at the tickling sensation and attacked Stiles' lips again, kissing him deep and hard until they both were breathless.

"Take that off." Derek murmured against the other boy's cheek and tugged at the sleeve of his shirt, insistent and a little impatient to get to naked skin. His wolf surged possessively at the thought but Derek ignored it with a little effort.

While Stiles pulled the shirt over his head with trembling fingers, Derek made short work of Stiles' jeans but left him his shorts for now. He couldn't resist pushing his fingers underneath the waistband, running the tips over the soft skin of Stiles' ass and he heard Stiles' heart skip a beat as he lightly traced the cleft with his index finger.

"Whoa, okay, you're just gonna-. . . get right in there. . . ", Stiles panted against Derek's lips and Derek knew he wouldn't be able to stop now if he tried. That feeling of dread filled his stomach again, like this was all just a very bad idea after all. Stiles wasn't ready, no matter what he claimed and Derek would possibly never be ready, always fighting the wolf, struggling with the need to bite and claim and _fuck_ his mate.

But then Stiles' fingers loosened the towel until it slipped to the floor, slender fingers brushed his heavy cock and all coherent thought went out the window.

Surging forward, Derek pushed Stiles back roughly so he landed on the bed with a squeak and Derek quickly followed him,one arm scooping beneath Stiles' back to pull their bodies together.

Stiles' shorts were down his slender legs and off before Stiles could protest and Derek wrapped his fingers firmly around Stiles' half-hard cock, tugging at the shaft in a fast rhythm. Stiles' arched his back with a loud groan, parting his legs willingly for Derek to kneel between them.

"Derek. . .", Stiles whimpered beneath him, bucking his hips helplessly against Derek's hand. His fingers dug hard into Derek's shoulders, pulling and pushing at him at the same time but Derek barely noticed, too focused on exploring all the unknown spots on his mate's body. He was craving much more, much faster and his fingers dipped lower, stopping shortly to massage the silk-smooth balls beneath before he reached the soft skin behind them. He stroked back and forth, from Stiles' balls to the tightly closed opening.

"Hey, slow down, would you?"

Derek growled in response and his fingers brushed over the little pucker, nudging it with a fingertip, causing his mate to flinch in surprise. He wanted to push inside, feel the tight heat around his cock and ride his mate until he i_screamed-/i_

Two hands grabbed his arm, jerking at it frantically.

"i_Stop/i. _Derek, you're-. . . your eyes are glowing! _Derek!_"

Derek's hands froze as the fresh scent of his mate's fear reached his nose.

Stiles was staring at him with wide, spooked eyes and it made him look even younger than he was. Cold knots curled in his stomach as he realized that he was losing control i_fast/i_ and scaring his mate with it.

It grounded Derek like a kick to his stomach, calling on to his wolf's protective side and he took a deep, calming breath before pulling his hand back and leaning down on his elbows to gently nuzzle Stiles' neck. He relied on his instincts to tell him what his mate needed right now and it told him to kiss and caress.

"This isn't working. I'm losing control.", he admitted quietly, his shoulders tense and the muscles in his back shaking.

Stiles remained unmoving for a few more moments, not trusting the change in pace entirely before he slowly hooked his arms around Derek's neck to pull him into a kiss, his lips lax and soft.

"Just. . . try to slow down. You were fine before.", Stiles rubbed soothingly at the nape of his neck, carding his fingers through Derek's hair and over the sensitive skin at the back of his head and Derek made a pleased sound in his throat. "Maybe keep things above the belt for a while?"

Derek's stomach lurched as the wolf roared in protest but he clenched his fingers tightly into the bedsheets, grateful that he had something to hold onto that he could claw apart if he needed to.

Stiles' eyes met his, understanding, and Derek shut his own against his gaze.

Their lips met again in a gentle kiss and they stuck to that for a while, all tongues and soft licks, keeping some distance between the rest of their bodies until they felt it was safe.

Stiles was the one to break the kiss and push Derek lower on his body, the first sign of what Stiles wanted, so Derek was quick to follow through. He laid a trail of kisses down his neck and collarbone, keeping the pressure light and careful until he reached Stiles' left nipple.

He gave the tight nub a warm, slow drag of his tongue, and another when Stiles shivered and arched his back into him, and then firmer licks and a little teeth until he had reduced his mate to a groaning, wriggling mess. Then he moved on to the other nipple, peaked and hard as a rock.

Derek loved the taste of his skin, slightly salty with sweat and arousal and something musky underneath, a mixture of Stiles' shower gel and the natural taste that was just Stiles..

Stiles' hands started to push insistingly at his shoulders.

"Okay, screw 'above the belt', come on, dude! Get on with it!" Stiles moaned, his eyes blinking rapidly.

Derek pinched his thighs lightly and Stiles yelped.

"Don't get bossy. I'm setting the pace here." But Derek obediently scooted down on the bed until he could push Stiles' knees further apart. He let his hands trail over his thighs, earning a moan from the other boy, and his fingertips tingled when he brushed over the sensitive skin on his balls, this time keeping his touch light and caressing.

He used his thumb to massage along the underside of Stiles' cock and held his hips down firmly with his other hand when Stiles tried to push his hips up against him. Derek closed his fingers around the rock-hard shaft, stroking up and down in a slow but determined rhythm.

He licked his lips in anticipation, barely able to keep his mouth away from his mate's erection but he forced himself to wait just a little longer until Stiles had gotten used to the sensation of someone else's hand on his dick.

"Derek. . ."

Stiles was writhing on the sheets, grabbing Derek's wrist now and then, either to slow him down or speed him up and raking his nails along his biceps in between.

The wolf in him trembled at that, raring to go and _take _and Derek was just about to finally obey him by sucking Stiles' cock down to the root when Stiles' hips suddenly jerked off the bed and he came with a shout. Derek's lips parted in surprised but he gently stroked him through it, loosening his grip as not to hurt him until Stiles slumped down on the bed, still whimpering quietly.

"Oh god. . . "

"You okay?" The muscles in his legs gave a twitch and Derek rubbed both hands over them. "You wanna take a break?"

Stiles lifted his head with visible effort and looked at Derek, the 'you mean we aren't done?' clear in his face. Then he dropped back down and shook his head, staring at the ceiling with wide eyes and still trying to catch his breath.

Derek nodded and gave him a few moments, busying himself with placing soft, wet kisses against the other boy's abdomen before he lightly slapped his inner thigh to get his attention. "Hey. Condoms and lube."

If Stiles had had the energy to tense up, he probably would have, but as it was he just weakly pointed under his bed.

"I think I shot my brain out through my dick. . . " Stiles mumbled when Derek sat up again, a tube, a strip of condoms and the towel he had used after his shower in his hand.

"Doesn't matter, you don't need it right now." Derek replied dryly and tapped his hip with his fingers. "Come on, turn around."

Stiles rolled over with a low groan and then squeaked when Derek pulled at his hips and pushed a pillow underneath him.

"Hey, warn a guy before you shove things into sensitive parts!" he protested.

"You'll thank me later." Derek was actually grateful for Stiles' bitching to distract him because the next part was the one he was most afraid of. This could go wrong on so many levels.

"Thank you for what?"

Derek ignored him and leaned down to lay a trail of kisses down his back, starting from the shoulders and down the entire length of his spine. Stiles arched his back with a gasp, pushing his hips forward into the pillow.

Derek stayed at that spot on his lower back, feeling shivers running through Stiles' body while he painted soft patterns with his tongue and enjoying the burst of arousal his sensitive nose picked up from his mate.

The wolf stirred awake again but seemed content with tasting Stiles' skin for the moment.

Derek coated his fingers with a thick layer of lube, staring at the shiny fluid for a moment, making sure beneath it were blunt human fingernails instead of vicious claws.

"Are you ready?" he asked, running a dry finger along the underside of Stiles' balls. He didn't wait for an answer but sneaked his slick fingers down, leaving a shiny trail of lube in their path.

He stopped a few times, caressing smooth skin here and there until he reached the other boy's most intimate place.

He rubbed tiny circles into the tight opening, steadily increasing the pressure until he could slip a fingertip in without resistance.

Stiles flinched, instinctively trying to twist his hips away. Derek's reflexes made him move before he could stop it, pushing Stiles down with blunt force.

"_Ow_, okay, okay, not moving-" Stiles gasped and stilled beneath him, so Derek quickly eased up.

"Fuck, did I hurt you?" he asked, rubbing his clean hand over his face in frustration. He was trying so hard, thinking about every move before he made it and still. . .

"Not really, you just startled me. Keep going, I'm-. . I'm fine." Stiles didn't sound as convincing as Derek would have liked and he was pretty sure he at least gave him a bruise on his back. Then again it probably wouldn't be the last bruise by Derek's hands.

"Okay. Relax for me." Derek deliberately kept his movements slow and predictable, dragging his hand down from Stiles' lower back to his ass and down the crack until he stopped on his opening, rubbing around it with two slick fingers before he pushed his index finger back inside. He inched it forward and back, again and again until it was in all the way.

Derek's cock ached at the sight and he pushed his other hand down to give it a few hard pulls. His heart skipped a beat before it thumped against his ribcage so much faster.

He couldn't suppress a deep growl, watching the tight muscle clench around his finger. He quickly added a second, this one a tight fit - "Derek, _ow,_ you doing okay?" - and moved them in and out, feeling the muscle tense and relax around them in a struggle to force them out - "Derek, _slow down_, talk to me-" - while his other hand firmly stroked his own erection, slick with precome - "What's wrong, say something-" and suddenly the body beneath him jerked and Stiles' hand grabbed the wrist he could reach.

"Derek!" Stiles stared at him over his shoulder with wide eyes, his fingernails digging into Derek's wrist while he pulled, making Derek carefully extract his fingers from his mate's body. "Look at me, don't you _dare_ change now!"

"Damn it, I told you!" Derek snapped back, yanking his hand out of Stiles' grasp, "I can't do this, we have to stop-"

Stiles quickly turned around and pulled Derek forward by the back of his neck until their foreheads touched. Derek was panting like he'd run for miles, his shoulders shaking with the strain to calm himself.

"If we don't do this now, we'll never do it. And I'm not ready to give this up," Stiles urged with a quiet voice. "If I can trust you, why can't you? We got this far, now _go through with it_. "

Derek bit his lips for a moment, his thoughts racing. He was this close to shifting, the wolf just under the surface but so far he'd been able to stop himself and change back before he hurt Stiles. And his wolf wanted to take his mate, wanted to fuck him and own him. So if he obeyed, maybe - just maybe - he'd be able to hold onto the very thin thread of control he still had-

"I'm ready." Stiles whispered and Derek's mind snapped to attention again. Stiles' deep brown eyes were looking straight at him, nervously licking his flushed-red lower lip.

Derek moaned when warm fingers encircled his cock, stroking up and down and then slowly rolling a condom on his painfully hard length. Stiles' hands trailed over his hip, just palming it for a moment before holding on tightly. Derek didn't resist when Stiles pulled him forward until he was resting between his legs.

He could feel Stiles' half-hard cock against his own, and he slowly moved his hips, rubbing, grinding until he felt Stiles respond with a needy groan. His finger dug hard into Derek's hips and the pain went straight to his cock, making a few drops of precome dribble out.

"Come on," Stiles moaned, raising his hips invitingly. "Now,. . . do it-"

Derek moved forward and brought their lips together, sharing a deep, longing kiss while he let one hand wander between Stiles' legs, slowly pushing two fingers back inside, hesitating whenever he felt like it was becoming too tight.

"Derek-" Stiles groaned impatiently into the kiss and spread his legs further, pulling his knees up high against his chest to get more of the delicious friction on his cock.

Derek gently rubbed his slick fingers along along the smooth walls, testing, searching-

"Oh-" Stiles arched his back with a groan. "There- . . keep doing tha-" He choked on another surprised moan when Derek stimulated the same spot in tiny circles. Holding Stiles' hips down with his other hand, he pressed his fingers against the gland a few times, watching how Stiles' body jerked with each push of his fingers like it's receiving small electric shocks, before he went back to deeply massaging it.

Derek wished he could drag this out for hours, just watching his mate's body writhe in pleasure until he screamed his name. But the wolf was pacing inside him, the arousal and anger making his skin tingle and Stiles' nails were scratching at his sides, marking him as his without realizing that he was doing it.

And suddenly it happened really fast. Derek's fingers moved without thinking, pulling out and lining himself up and then he was pushing inside, slowly but steadily into soft heat.

Stiles gave a shout of surprise, his eyes flying open. "Oh, _shit-_"

Derek stopped with enormous effort when he was just a few inches in, running his hands over the other boy's body wherever he could reach. He could barely keep himself from just shoving inside, thrusting as hard and as fast as he could. A growl rumbled from deep in his chest but he gritted his teeth, taking slow, painful breaths until some of the tension in him subsided. He was close to changing, _so close-_

Stiles' legs kept slipping on Derek's sweat-slick skin and the muscles in his thighs trembled with the strain of holding them up, so Derek pushed his upper body forward until he was taking some of the weight off his mate.

"Okay?" he growled, searching Stiles' face for any sign of pain or discomfort but Stiles quickly bobbed his head up and down.

"Yeah, okay-" Stiles' voice broke with a deep moan and Derek could feel his muscles clenching him tightly, sending a shock of pleasure through his cock. He could hear the stutter in his mate's heartbeat but wasn't sure if it was due to pain or arousal.

"Tell me if I'm hurting you," Derek urged him, moving his hands up and down Stiles' legs soothingly. "I can pull back-"

"No no no, it's okay, I'm okay-" Stiles' small hands gripped his back tighter, "try it. . .go slow. . ."

And then Derek was moving inside him, just a small rocking motion, barely pulling out before he was back in. He went a little deeper every time but didn't increase the pace, not while the wolf was dangerously close, snapping his teeth just out of reach.

"Derek-" Stiles pushed at his back, trying to encourage him to go faster but Derek ignored it, keeping the slowest, softest rhythm. He wasn't going to last long, not as tense as he was and he was keeping his mate on the edge of orgasm as well, he could feel it, but he was barely hanging on to his last bit of control.

Stiles wriggled his hips wantonly, his cock twitching and pulsing precome whenever Derek brushed along his prostate in a slow, long drag.

"_Fuck_," Stiles gasped and pulled Derek down by his hair until they could kiss, deep and messy, Stiles' teeth digging into Derek's lower lip _hard_.

Derek jerked in surprise and his claws ripped a long stripe out of the pillow, dangerously close to Stiles' cheek but there was no stopping now, he was changing in a split second. His teeth elongated into sharp fangs and he knew his eyes were flashing bright blue so he squeezed them shut and yanked Stiles' body closer, hiding his face into his neck.

He could smell the blood pumping underneath Stiles' skin and craved to taste it but he fought the urge, clenching his fists into the fabric surrounding them until his fingers cramped painfully.

He felt Stiles' knuckles against his stomach, moving rapidly over his dripping cock and Derek pushed deeper inside with a shout when his orgasm hit like a _train. _Long waves of pleasure ripped through his body, he could hear Stiles moan through the haze and felt his muscles clenching rhythmically around his cock. He gave a few more weak thrusts, earning a surprised yelp from Stiles until he slumped down into his mate's arms, probably crushing him but barely able to breathe. He felt the wolf retreating, his hunger sated for the moment.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, relaxed and quiet, Stiles' hands rubbing Derek's damp shoulders and Derek couldn't suppress a quiet sigh at the warm caress.

Stiles gave a pained hiss when he slowly lowered his legs to the mattress and Derek's eyes flew open.

"I hurt you, didn't I?", he murmured weakly, pushing himself up on his arms with effort. "Let me see-"

Stiles quickly took hold of his arm. "I'm fine. Just a little sore. Stop worrying already, okay? You're ruining my afterglow."

Derek snorted at that but obediently lay back down, a little to the side, pulling Stiles with him until they were lying next to each other. Derek closed his eyes again, half-asleep and relieved.

"Hey." Stiles poked at Derek's chest with a finger.

"Hm?"

"You know, next time? We're just gonna chain you to the bed."

Derek gave his ass a barely restrained slap.

"_Ow_, what was _that_ for?"

* * *

><p>Thanks for reading!<p> 


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